Friday, January 20, 2012

The Sense of Smell

My therapist once told me
that the sense of smell
is the sense most connected to memory,
and that made sense.

Because, sometimes, when I
catch the scent of a certain
perfume, it takes me back to
a girl I used to love.

I have a condition that
psychologists call
"Depersonalization Disorder"
which basically means

that I often feel disconnected
from myself. It is something
I have learned to live with.
I am okay, but I won't say it's easy.

But tonight, alone in my
apartment, I smelled my armpit.
I shower maybe two times a week,
so the smell was kind of strong.

And then I smelled my arm,
the hair and the skin,
and in those moments, I thought,
"So THIS is what a human is

supposed to smell like." The smell
was not unpleasant. It was a real
smell, like the smell of men who
lived thousands of years ago.

And the sense of smell, and the
memory of people I never knew,
my ancestors, reminded me that
I am here, that this is my body.

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