My therapist once told me
that the sense of smell
is the sense most connected to memory,
and that made sense.
Because, sometimes, when I
catch the scent of a certain
perfume, it takes me back to
a girl I used to love.
I have a condition that
psychologists call
"Depersonalization Disorder"
which basically means
that I often feel disconnected
from myself. It is something
I have learned to live with.
I am okay, but I won't say it's easy.
But tonight, alone in my
apartment, I smelled my armpit.
I shower maybe two times a week,
so the smell was kind of strong.
And then I smelled my arm,
the hair and the skin,
and in those moments, I thought,
"So THIS is what a human is
supposed to smell like." The smell
was not unpleasant. It was a real
smell, like the smell of men who
lived thousands of years ago.
And the sense of smell, and the
memory of people I never knew,
my ancestors, reminded me that
I am here, that this is my body.
